Living Fully in the Fourth Quarter Part 3: Let Go, New Talents and Relationships

Imagine you're in the fourth quarter of your life and you've just met a grandma or a grandpa who tells you sometimes smaller is better and slower is just right. You realize that the most important things aren't the things you have, but the people you love. You decide to start saying I'm sorry and I forgive you more often. And you tell your children, I'm proud of you. You open yourself up to the unexpected and suddenly life becomes richer and more meaningful. I'm Grandpa Curtis and I'm here with Papa Joe, your podcast grandpas. We're here to share some heartfelt advice, just like the wise grandmas at the New York City Grandma Stand. Sit back, relax, and soak in some old fashioned advice from dudes in progress.

Hey, Papa Joe, Grandpa Kirk, your grandson is too young to choose your grandpa name.

That's true.

But you gotta let them choose it right. I have two grandpa names. I have Papa Joe and Grandpa Joe.

Oh yes. I was hoping I got that right.

Yeah. So Papa Joe and Grandpa Joe. My, my two oldest grandkids call me Grampy Joe and my youngest grandson calls me Papa Joe. And it's pretty daggone awesome, man.

I agree with you, let them choose. People ask me that question all the time. What are they going to call you? And I agree with you, let them choose. And my Johnny B. Is starting to say Mama and Papa or something like that to his mother and father. And they send us videos all the time, practically every day of him learning how to clap and starting to talk things like baba.

Oh, that's pretty awesome.

Maybe not too long in the future. Well, maybe that's what we'll practice with them next time we go visit them here coming up really soon. Well, we're back, Joe, to talk about this book that you shared with me from Matthew Kelly. The fourth quarter of your life. Finishing it up, really. I'm cherry picking some of my highlights that I have been reviewing from this book and this is going to be the third episode. So I think we are doing this book pretty good.

Yeah, we're doing it some justice.

Yeah.

It's funny about nicknames because I have nicknames for my grandkids too. I have nicknames for my own kids. It's kind of funny and they're consistent. But with my grandkids, they have several nicknames, but one of my, they have their normal nicknames, but one of the favorite nicknames that I have for them and it's the same nickname for each one of them and it's not really nickname, it's more of a greeting. And I. I especially love to give them this greeting when. When the rest of my family is around. Okay. So when the grandkids come down to see me, especially from Zanesville, or I haven't seen the. The youngest one for a while, and the whole family's around, they'll come running up to me and I'll say, well, hello, favorite humans. And that does two things. It lets them know where they stand in my life. Right?

That's right.

And it also lets my kids know where they stand in my life. And so they always get, well, we're. I guess that we. We're in our place. We just got put in our place, didn't we?

Yeah. I told my son, you know, we're going to be visiting you a lot more now that we have a grandson. No offense. Yeah, they totally get it. Yeah. This intro came from walking past the television. I don't know why it was on. Kelly Clarkson was on the television early afternoon yesterday in my bedroom. My wife was in there feeding the cat. That's a whole nother story. But they had this fellow on who just remembered amazing conversations he had with his grandmother. And he had this idea before COVID to set up, like, a lemonade stand setup in New York City, of all places, Central park. Even in, I think in the subways, it just has a sign over it, grandma advice. Real grandmas, they have a word for the day or a question for the day that can get the conversation started. And he had tears in his eyes trying to just tell the story of how he started this. And he brought it back after Covid, and it's still going strong. They had a woman in the audience who is a grandma who has worked the stand, and she said it's been the most amazing thing of her life to. And just how popular it is or impactful it is to people. And she says a lot of young ladies come in and sit with her and talk about the. That con, that question, and probably other things that's on their mind. What an amazing thing. So simple, but so impactful.

Yeah, I love that. I love that.

Yeah.

You know, it's a cute way of giving back.

Yeah. In the busy streets of New York City. That's so cool. Something really personal happening. Like I said, impactful conversations. And that was the inspiration. And I thought of that as some of the topics that I'm going to finish up. This book has 40 chapters. We're definitely not going through each and every one. There's lots of little exercises in there, but I Picked out some of the rest of the highlights from. From the middle to the end of the book, Joe. So here we go.

Just so you know, on. On as I. As you mentioned, 40 chapters. These are 40 easy, quick read chapters. You could easily read 10 chapters in 15 minutes with this book, right?

Yep.

And maybe not quite 15 minutes, but what's life without a little hyperbole?

You gotta do a little homework in there, too, if you're really, I think, going back. And he gives some thoughtful questions. And that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna look at some of these. And again, this is like a book club discussing with your pal what you were reading.

I like this. I like this.

A chapter called your bigger future. Everything great in history has been accomplished by people who believe that the future could be bigger and better than the past. He said. I have said this to literally millions of people since he published the Dream Manager. That's a book you mentioned, and it was interesting. I saw this in the very first thing I was looking at today. That's a book I want to go back and check out, I think. Joe, did you read that one, the Dream Manager?

I did, I did. It's another quick, easy read. I read it, I think, the first few days of vacation several years back. And it speaks of a very specific job within an organization where you help people develop their vision for life and where they want to go and how their job can help them do that. And quite honestly, maybe their dreams don't dovetail very well with this job. And that's an important conversation as well. But it's a really neat book. The concept is way outside the box for corporate America. So I'm always interested to hear companies that have implemented this Dream Manager concept within their organization. It really is cool.

Well, in this chapter and really throughout the whole book, he's talking about the fourth quarter of life. And it's a season of your life to rethink things, maybe, or do a different direction. So a couple concepts that we've talked about in the past. Sometimes smaller is better, sometimes less is better, and sometimes slower is better. Breathe deeply in the fourth quarter. That's a habit worth practicing and celebrating.

Yeah, this is an interesting. These three things specifically hit home with me because I lean towards minimalism. I lean towards simpler is better. And the clearest answer or the simplest answer is probably the best answer. Sometimes slower is better. I'm working on that. Sometimes I'm running and gunning. I need to stop and slow down a bit.

That is our culture he talks about that a lot. Smaller is better. Like in the fourth quarter, could you downsize your home? I read this in a financial book last year and it's a tough concept for people if you've got a lot of memories in a home. But now, if you had a big family, now there's only two of you, is really that big maintenance of that house, really, is that better? That's a great question to contemplate in the fourth quarter.

Well, we did that a few years ago.

I know you did.

As we, as we moved into the condo that we're in now from our four bedroom home miles down the road. And this is better. This is better. Frees up your mind, your energy, your physical energy, your emotional energy, your mental energy to focus on some simpler things. Because there are obligations at a condo that you don't have. Right. Roof needs repair. The association takes care of that. Now, ultimately you're paying for it because you're paying your association dues.

Yeah, it's a balance.

But I do like this concept that smaller is better, especially in this time in life.

I like this. Less is better. We got just too much clutter in this house. And I think he does have a whole chapter. And again, this is a minimalist idea. This is something I could start getting after. It might take a little while to get rid of a lot of the clutter in the closets and other places and how to get rid of it. But that's. You don't want to leave it for your kids to clean up the mess.

You know, that's a good point too, Kurt. And that is why I constantly want to get rid of the junk in my life. The stuff in my life. That's one of the reasons, is because I remember when my folks died and I remember my parents doing this when they died. They're forced to sit there and go through just junk that they don't want to have to go through. I know they're grieving as it is. And to have to go through all of the stuff and have to make a decision, you know, you don't want to throw it away because you're, it's the, it's the memory, it's your, your dad's, you know, whatever, some meaningless piece of paper or certificate that, okay, you're going to put in a box and that box is going to be put in the closet and then, then your kids are going to have to worry about that box when it. Just make that decision for your kids. Now, as we're in this fourth quarter, of our life. Make that decision for your kids now and get rid of that stuff. Bring it to a disposition if it's important enough to save. And there is really some true. Either personal true. Now think about the true personal or historical significance to whatever it is, okay? Secure that somehow and save it. But they don't need to. See your electric bills from 1985. Okay? Come on.

Much clutter to get rid of. I love this sentence. Two sentences. Here is a big part of this book for me and what I'm working on. This is when people's dream job changes from the one that pays the most to one that is dripping with meaning. This is also when people shift from wanting things to seeking experiences. I mean, that right there for me is the whole kitten caboodle for this book.

If you're blessed enough to have a job right now that is personally satisfying and motivating and inspiring at some level, then that's a great thing, man. Don't discount that. But if you're in a job right now and you're in the fourth quarter of your life, you know you have to balance your needs of the moment, right? If you still. If you still need to make some sacrifices to make sure you're paying the bills, that's one thing. But even. Even with that, if you're. If you're in a job that sucks the soul right out of you, figure it out, man. This is the time to figure it out. And. And maybe shift. Maybe shift from one that.

That.

That pays less, but is more meaningful to you, more inspiring, more motivating. And this whole idea of shifting from wanting things to think to seeking experiences. I latched onto this years ago, years ago, and I waved that banner all the time. Memories are better than stuff, dude. Yeah, they certainly are.

Another chapter called the Unexpected. I just took out one thing, one highlight. If you want to make yourself and everyone around you miserable in the fourth quarter, try to control everything and everyone stay open. The critical dispositions are to stay open to life, stay open to love, stay open to God. Trust, surrender, believe and receive. Stay open to the unexpected. Live in the hope that something wonderful is about to happen. What a great attitude to finish the fourth quarter with.

I'm going to read my mail out loud a little bit here, and I've only spoken about this with one other person, and that's my wife. So I may very well come back after I've said this and ask you to edit it out. But this is something very personal to me, and it speaks to this subject right here. Every Year. Well, let's talk about this subject. If you want to make yourself and everyone around you miserable in your fourth quarter, try to control everything. And everyone else stay open. So every year I pay for a family vacation for my entire family. My daughter, my kids, my grandkids, everybody. It just so happens that this year there are some real scheduling conflicts with my oldest daughter's family and we had a conversation about it and they're not going to go on this year's vacation. And there's a part of me that really wants to force the issue. There's a part of me that really wants to maybe flex some emotional muscles that I know I could probably flex or, or manipulate and control the situation and use a little guilt and use a little leverage here or there, or at least try. Now my, my oldest daughter is pretty strong willed herself, so she could dig in her heels, but I could do that. But I took a step back and I said, okay, I don't have to control the situation. It is what it is. Yes. And I'll just tell you right now, I'm extremely disappointed because this is something that I love. This is the most important event of the year for me. Right.

Yeah.

But I get it. I understand that the reasons are the reasons and I cannot control everything and everyone. That's hard. And if it doesn't happen this year, it doesn't happen this year. We have to stay open. We have to continue. If I come in with a sledgehammer and decide to force the issue, that's not staying open to love and it's not staying open to God as it says here. So this is something that kind of hits home with me right now about letting go of controlling everything and everyone. Because as the patriarch of my family, I, I, I could do that. Right.

That's an incredible example, Joe. Thanks for sharing that. Is that exactly what, that's the heart of this point? For sure. As you were talking, I was thinking of the Ray Romano show and the mom in that program.

Oh, gosh.

Speaking about controlling and how annoying she is.

Absolutely.

And the father's the opposite. Great comedic actors that portray the mom and dad in that program. Your most important relationships. Oh boy. Another one of Joe's. Which do you want to be surrounded by at the end? People or possessions?

We have to think about this, right?

Yeah. The greatest joys in our lives are born from relationships. The significant regrets are the result of relationship failures. But here are seven ways to improve your relationships in the fourth quarter. Become a world class listener. Speak words of affirmation. Create experiences. Make acts of service a priority. Filter what you say with love, respect, humility and discipline. Make an effort to be vulnerable. Ask people about their hopes and dreams.

Look at this list, Kurt, look at this list.

Yeah. Pretty strong.

Each one of these seven points could be a book in and of itself, you know.

Yeah.

But if we just take one action from each one of these things and. Or pick one person, Pick one person in your life that you say, okay, with this person, I'm going to become a better listener. Right. With this person. And they could be different people. Right. With this person, I can, I'm going to really try to affirm them or I'm going to develop, I'm going to create some important experiences. Once you start doing this, once you start gaining momentum, I believe this. These seven things can be life changing, not just for you, but for those that love you and the people who you love. And the truth is, this is the fourth quarter, man. If you don't do these things now with the people who you love and the people who love you, there's not a heck of a lot of time left. And especially if you're a person that may have not done a very good job at these things.

Yeah.

And when, when you don't listen to people, when you don't affirm people, when you, when you don't create experiences with people or you don't make them a priority and you don't treat them with love, respect, humility, and discipline. The truth is, you eventually run out of chances with the people who love you and the people who you love. And this is the fourth quarter of your life, dude. And if we're in the fourth quarter of our life, we may, we may be running out of chances to do this. So get over yourself, let go of your ego, let go of whatever is stopping you from, from being this person, and become a world class listener. Speak words of affirmation, create experiences with the people who love you, and so forth. I love this list.

I was thinking you don't have to do them all at once, but they're right. There's some that you got to be a little intentional with, but a lot of these just, you got to be open to do these things when the time just happens.

And at a small level, you don't have to, you don't have to suddenly become the, the expert in becoming a world class listener. Right?

Yeah.

Just take some time.

And there's going to be a time.

That one person, like that one conversation.

You know, we talked about my son who had A real difficult time with a job he took on last year. And it was a time to be a world class listener, maybe speak some words of affirmation. That was the time to do it. And he's doing well. He took a different job and he's doing well. That's. That was a great thing.

Fantastic.

Very related to that is this was pretty interesting. Say the most important things, and there's some words that are more important than others. And you were just saying that if you've got a. Maybe you've got a little bit of a broken relationship and saying, I'm sorry or I forgive you, those are some of the most important things to say in the fourth quarter. You don't want those things to hang on till the end. If you can reconcile with these things. That's really important. And this one I really love. And Joe, tomorrow is my birthday. I wanted to tell you.

Well, there you go.

Only because happy birthday. I went into the office for a holiday lunch, but we also celebrated my birthday. And I wanted to share a couple cards that I got. One was here when I got home. And my mom and dad, such a blessing. They're still alive. But another really important gift to give your children is to say that I'm proud of you. And I've been pretty good with this. I somehow have known this. I don't know where. Maybe it was always important to me. And I said, so the guys at work let me read the one. One of the kids, the people at work sent me this card. This was funny. I got a chuckle out of this. It says, on the day that you were born, the angels got together. Which they know I like music. That's a Carpenter song. I was like, I recognize that. On the day that you were born, the angels got together. And then you open up the card and it says, and we're severely reprimanded. Happy birthday.

That's funny.

That caught me. I was laughing and I said to him, my dad always gets me a funny card for my birthday. And he comes over with my mom. They go grocery shopping close to where I live. And they're so. My mom and dad are so cute. They are so adorable. And it's really precious that they do this. Here I am, 60 years old. They're still acting like I'm 12 in that regard in celebrating my birthday.

That's awesome.

This card he gave me, it's not a comedy, it's actually a heartfelt one. And I said, dad, you put some work into it. I called him, I had a great conversation. With him when I got home. He says right on the COVID says, proud of you son. And the card says it's always a good feeling seeing someone who's happy in the life he's making, who's mastered the work he loves to do, who's really come into his own. It's even a better feeling seeing all that in you. A wonderful son. So proud of you and all the great things you're doing. Happy birthday. Love, mom and dad.

Wow, that's awesome.

I get teary eyed. I. I said dad usually give me a funny one and usually it's a very inappropriate funny.

Yeah.

But he says he's given me lots of accolades for my dad and I had some rough experiences working and fixing things when I was a kid and we've had that conversation. Matter of fact, when we all. My sister's house, my house and his house when we were all younger, we all put roofs on our house. I almost threw my dad off the roof. I told him because he was abusing me so much and yelling at me for everything I did. But when I did the rebuild on my bathroom, he has been so complimentary and that was something he brought up yesterday when he said how proud he was of me. So what a wonderful thing to tell your kids or to hear yourself so such a gift he gave me yesterday.

Pretty daggone cool, man.

Get a little teary eyed thinking about it. But yeah, I think your kids will really enjoy that. If you say I'm proud of you, no doubt your fourth quarter talents, this is another little short one. But finding your fourth quarter talent, we all have them. It's a matter of staying open. And yeah, I was definitely thinking of the New York City grandma stand and just how impactful that was or is for the ladies that are giving back. It just feels so good to give back. And again, this is that thing. What is that thing that you could be doing that is really impactful for you. It might be totally different of anything you've ever done before. I was thinking too. I watched the Find myself watching the Shark Tank show a lot and there was this business, this woman put together of these handmade bags that are all done by grandmas and grandpas in nursing homes and communities and she's expanding and doing amazing. And the fact that this and people know and it's gone a little bit viral, people know who is doing this and the why behind this business and it's very successful and that all. I think this was the one where all the sharks just symbolically gave to them.

Because they believed in what they were doing. Right. Kurt, history is riddled with stories of people who succeed at late in life. And I love those stories, especially as we're, as we're coming into this fourth quarter. I mean, you know, it's the classic story of Colonel Sanders, who started KFC at 62 years old. Right. Ray Kroc, he expanded McDonald's into a global franchise. And I think he was in his 50s, early to mid-50s, something like that. You know the lady from Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Yeah.

She didn't publish that book until 65 years old.

Oh, wow.

I mean that's. That's pretty cool.

Yeah. And people are living longer these days than ever before. I gotta give my. If you're gonna go there, I'll go with my pal Walt Disney, who had an incredible career, obviously in all the franchises, properties that he created in his life. But he always had, in the back of his mind, he was in his 50s when he finally launched Disneyland.

That's amazing.

When I first heard that, that kind of blew me away. I think I was in my 50s when I first heard that. Maybe your 40s and even Disney World. He didn't know. He was near the end of his life, unfortunately, a heavy smoker that got cancer and he had all the visions and was buying the property for Disney World in his later in 60s. But never. There's someone who never stopped dreaming of big things. Right.

So Disneyland came first.

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

In California.

No, not of course. I mean, in the 50s you say of course because you're a geek.

I'm sorry I didn't teach you that yet. Yes, Disneyland was from our parents age.

Very interesting.

He had that in the back of his mind for years and years. It was a novel idea that did not get immediate great response from investors. But he, we all know what he did and turned it into control and surrender. The fourth quarter is a time to surrender to God. If you haven't already. And if you have, it's time to renew that surrender. You can wrestle with people in situations, with God in time, but you will lose. And in the process you will exhaust and frustrate yourself beyond belief. Now here's four soul shifting, life changing words. Trust, surrender, believe and receive.

So usually in a situation where we bring up God, I will give those listeners and give those people who engage with the show a little bit about, and talk about, well, whatever God means to you right now in your life and the universe, or some, some powerful force beyond you. Whatever you, however you identify that you can't do that here, dude. You can't do that here. And. And I don't want to. There is a God. And what I mean by that is an almighty creator of the universe that has, that is personal, relatable to you. And if you're in this fourth quarter of life, I strongly recommend that you, if you don't believe that you at least open yourself up to the possibility and see what happens. Start to read some books. Because as you come into this fourth quarter of your life, there's some spiritual decisions to be made that can have an impact on you, on eternity, and on, most importantly, generations to come. So think about these words. Trust in God, surrendering to God, believe in God and receive what God has for you in this fourth quarter. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

It's a good time. I love. Yeah, these four words, they're not easy. If you've been resisting your whole life and trying to do everything yourself, how about trying this? Maybe it's time to trust, surrender, believe, and then receive. There's a. We're going to talk about a couple of prayer structures and this really relates to those too. And it's something I've been concentrating on the last few weeks because of these readings. I'm going to finish up. This was in the conclusion, the last chapter. And when I was reading these, I was thinking of Joe. I couldn't wait to review some of the things because I thought they were fantastic. And the chapter is called Embracing what Matters Most. It's time to discern and embrace what matters most. It's our hope that this book has helped you. Maybe this podcast has helped you to do that and to prepare for the fourth quarter. But here's some amazing questions and it all is prefixed with what matters most. People are things yesterday or today, accomplishments or friendships. You can stop me whenever one that matters for you, the school you went to or what you learned. Now this one really is impactful to me. I had a lot of regrets that I didn't get my degree in college in computer science, for which I started. And what ended up being my career is a career in computer science. And I always felt a little bit unworthy. Is that the right word? Or I wasn't quite prepared or I didn't do it the right way. But I learned it all after I went to college. And this is so important to me. What you learned that lifelong learning is just. Or how you learn doesn't matter how you got that education. The Fact that you get that education or you strive for that education is so important.

I don't want to get political here, Kurt, but I do want to speak to a narrative that has been prevalent in the media here recently, especially recently now. However you voted is how you voted, and I honor that and I appreciate your stand on that. And I love that we have the democratic republic system that we have in the United States. But there was a term that was used throughout this political process when they were doing polling and they were, that people were looking at demographics, and the demographic that they used was there was one political side that they won. The quote, unquote, uneducated. The uneducated. Well, the uneducated went for this group, went for this, this political side, or went for this candidate. And that's why the results were the results, because the uneducated leaned towards them. And that just grated on my soul, dude. Because uneducated is demeaning, and I think they meant for it to be demeaning. And you, you're a perfect example of that, that you said the school you went to or what you learned. Kurt, you're one of the smartest guys I know, man, and one of the most learned guys that I know. And I don't have the advanced degrees that many of my colleagues and co workers and even the people that are on my team have. So let's be careful about our attitudes towards other people. Let's be careful about our attitudes towards what school they went to or what degree they have versus what they know and what they've learned and what they bring to the table. There's no reason for anybody that has the experience of life to feel less than anything anybody else.

Yeah, you're hitting a nerve with me. And I have a, I have an advanced degree, but still. Yeah, I, I, it really annoys me when we try to put people in categories or boxes.

Right.

We think it's unfair. And Bill Gates. Yeah, Bill Gates quit college to start Microsoft.

Yeah, I think.

Do I have to say any more?

I think the Apple guy. What's the Apple guy's name? Dag on it. Anyway, Yeah, I want, I, I know you have the whole list here, but. Yeah, the one, the one thing that I, I do struggle with is your second point. What matters most, yesterday or today? I do, I do find myself living in the past a little bit with some regrets, and I wish I would have or I wish I did, or things like that. And we got to let go of that and think about, okay, we can impact and we can Affect right now, today, this moment.

Well, that's what these questions are for you to contemplate those things and really decide which is the one that matters the most, the house you live in or the love in your home. Yeah, sometimes we're not that proud about the house we have. But is that really what's important? That thing or the love and affection that's in that home? The things you collect or the person you become? The way people perceive you or who you are? Age or attitude? I like that one. That's a lot about what this book is. I turn another year older tomorrow and it becomes even more apparent the older you get to keep a good attitude.

This is interesting. Age or attitude. And here's an interesting way to measure that. When you're talking to somebody on the phone and you cannot see them, how old do you think they are? Right.

Yeah.

There. When I'm talking to people and, and I do, I, I have a, I have a, I don't want to say a juvenile personality, but I, I, I think I definitely, I latch on to a younger mindset maybe. And when you're talking to people on the phone, try to guess their age. And if you don't know them and if you can shimmy in as long as you're not hiring them right for a job, and if you can shimmy in a question about their age, that's an interesting exercise and it can tell you kind of what their mindset is.

I've always had, this has been always a thing with me. If I'm out in public and I see an elderly couple and they just look beaten up by the world, grumpy, or if some people that are older that are grumpy and always just nasty, and that is, that's always been a pet peeve of mine. And I have to live. Okay, I have to live this out. As I get into that, just keep that good. What's, what good is that? But when you meet others, folks that are doing things that are amazing and they have a great attitude and what a difference it makes. So this is. The world can beat up on you. There's no question it can be rough. And there's, there may be some really good reasons why some of those folks are not in a good attitude, but it's always been a pet peeve of mine to say, you know, you should know better. I don't know.

And as we go into this fourth quarter of our life, if you don't have grandkids, I get it. This may, this may pick a scab but if you do have grandkids, this will help you greatly with this age.

Or attitude, they'll make you younger.

But you got to let yourself do it, man. You got to let yourself be silly and goofy and fun and. And. And still mix in some wisdom. Some grand, some. Some grandpa wisdom. But age, your attitude, man. I do like that we get teased.

My Disney community, obviously, adults going to Disney World, and we get into the whole kid thing. But as you have bring kids and it's. Why not let it go? Just have fun with it, Kurt.

It is weird, but we can move on.

Yeah, you know what? I'd rather be weird, Joe. I'm okay with that. Instead of boring.

I'm with you, dude. I'm with you.

How much money you have or how you spend your money, what you say or what you do, how long you live or what you do with the years God gives you. Who is right or what is right.

So let's stop at that one. Not stop, but let's pause for this one. This is the curse of the youth. I can speak for myself. There were times in my life, especially younger, that I was willing to die on every single hill. I not only thought I was right, I wanted you to acknowledge that I'm right. And until you do that, we're still going to. We're going to argue. Because my thing was when people would say, oh, what's the thing? Well, we'll just agree to disagree. My. My comment was, okay, so you're wrong because agreeing to disagree wasn't good enough for me. I wanted you to agree with me. There's some weird validation going on there. But as. As I got older, I've let go of a lot of that. Most of it. The vast majority. And while I. There are still hills I'm willing to die on. The relationship is more important than. Than being right.

I agree with that.

Especially remember that with your kids when they're not making the decisions that you think they should make.

Yeah. I was wondering if you've gotten a little softer on this one. Thanks. So I don't think I'm going to read them all. I'm just going to go pick a couple of. If you see one that you want that we were successful or that we loved doing things right or doing the right things. Getting or giving.

This is a good one to pause onto. Getting or giving. Do you remember being a little kid and you just could not wait to get Christmas presents?

Yeah.

And maybe that. Maybe that. That kind of attitude moved through even adulthood, Right?

Yeah.

But my Gosh, I, I, we're just coming out of the holiday seasons right now and I, I, I'll say this, I lean towards minimalism. Right. I lean towards, I don't like a lot of stuff. But dude, there is nothing that I enjoy more than giving my grandkids a lot of crap, you know, a lot of stuff. A lot of things. And that moment where they're just tearing through, opening up presents and just ripping up the paper and the paper's all over the place and you have this stack of stuff that they got for Christmas that you know they're probably going to play with a tenth of it. But that experience of watching them open up gifts and tearing through the paper is just so cool to me. So I love giving, man. And I'm not trying to pump myself up or anything like that, but I really do love giving gifts and watching people open up presents and even if the gift is an experience.

Yeah. Not just talking about things. Giving of yourself.

Yes.

Helping people, that's where I get the most.

Let go of what you're getting out of life. Let go of that attitude of what life is giving you. Okay. What are you giving back to life?

Yeah. How can I serve you?

Absolutely.

Last one was what what matters most, what we have lost or what we have found. Yeah. A sense of gratitude. Well, that finishes up our book review of the fourth quarter by Matthew Kelly.

Well, thanks, thanks for doing this. Thanks for bringing this to the table. I know that we wanted to talk about the book, so thanks for being the catalyst for us to talk about this book. It's a good book. I appreciate it. I appreciate most of what Matthew Kelly writes about. He's been kind of an old soul for a long time, if you could say that. Matthew Kelly started off very young with the rhythm of life and so I really invite you to pick up some of his stuff and start with this book. Even if you're in the first quarter of your life, if you can embrace these concepts, you're gold. You've got a really good start.

Again, thank you for gifting it to me as Joe.

You're welcome.

The giver. It was a great timing. I've been looking for books like this and it's a great thing. To my morning routine that is back in full gear. What was your win for the week, Joe?

Well, it looks like I'm bringing on another coaching client. So of course I have a coaching business that I do in addition to my primary income producing activity, otherwise known as the day job. It looks like I'm bringing On another coaching client. And I'm being very selective of who I bring on. So I'm not trying to sound arrogant or egotistical about this, but. But if I'm giving you some of my time, it's hard to get. My time is very valuable to me, and I'm stingy with it. So if you're able to get on my schedule, if you're able to get on my calendar, we're going to do some special work together.

Congratulations.

Looks like I'm bringing on another coaching client.

Congratulations. I knew that we talked about this. We'll be talking more about this as we discuss on Saturday mornings. That's fantastic. And you're amazing. You got a lot to offer, Joe, so I'm excited for you.

Well, I appreciate that. How about your win for the week?

I already talked about it, but I'll just reiterate. I spoke to my mom and dad for my birthday last night, and as I was listening to their voices, I can't help but feel such gratitude that they're still here with me. They were so helpful this year, even my dad gave me a contact, two contacts that helped with some really important things. One was the tree cutting. Trying to find someone to cut trees. Happened to be someone that he cut trees with years and years ago. And their family still around. They were awesome. And they cut several trees. And it was so help. I'm so glad. Matter of fact, I was sitting here in my office just within the last week, and a limb fell down and hit the ground on the other side over here. And all I could think of was, thank God I cut down the three other bigger trees with the bigger limbs because that one I didn't even know about. But. And then the plumber that he suggested was so awesome. That helped me finish my bathroom. Just the support that my mom and dad gave me over the years and to still have them, to have that conversation that we had last night, it's. Yeah. I just can't say how amazing that is, but that was my win for the week.

Awesome. Yeah. Coming from. To give you some perspective, I lost both my mom and dad years ago.

I know.

And to have your mom and dad right now in this stage of your life is a real win. And the fact that you have the relationship that you have with them and your dad gives you a card like that, and your folks still encourage you and support you even though you don't need it. You're 60 years old, right? Or 61.

It's cute as hell, but it's still.

It's awesome, man. So I dig this win. Yeah, this is a, this is more than just a win for the week. This is a, almost a, a moment in the, a flag point in life to say, yeah, here I am 61 years old and my, my folks are still an important part of my life. So that's a, that's a big win for the week.

I've had people walk up to me, they go to the same church, and they'll say, your mom and dad are so cute. I said, that's cool. Yeah, they're pretty special.

It's cool.

I hit the lottery and you were talking about education my mom and dad didn't have. This is why I have that same attitude that you do. My, my dad and my mom didn't have an education. They couldn't afford it. My dad worked three jobs when I was a kid. And I still have these memories of that truck starting out on the outside of my bedroom door at 6 o'clock in the morning, going off to work. Never missed a day that ever. And my mom the same way. And she was smart and she used to take some classes at night to, to improve what she was doing as an executive secretary. She became a, she was a bank teller and an executive secretary and ran the shop that she worked at. But she was, she worked for the boss of the whole plant. But they're to think of the work they put in to put me through college. Yeah. Very supportive. All right, I'm not going to cry again. Joe, what was, what's your resource for the week?

Well, this is an interesting resource, kind of a hack, kind of thinking outside the box. And I'm not going to take credit for this, but I love it. So I have a ceiling fan in my office. The problem is the wall switch does not control the ceiling fan. It does not turn it on and off. It turns off some. It's connected to some random plug in this room somewhere and it irritates me because you can't walk out of the room and hit the switch on the way out and turn it off. Turn off the light, turn off the fan. You follow what I mean?

Yeah, I'm tracking you.

Okay. Well, I went to hire an electrician to move this switch to connect the ceiling fan to the switch. And he comes up and he looks at it and I don't know how much he was going to charge me for it. A couple hundred dollars. Okay. And I don't need any kind of fancy ceiling fan or anything like that. And he said, listen, I'm happy to do this work for you, Joe. No problem. But you're better off just buying $120 ceiling fan that has a remote control on it. And just tack that remote control to the wall and you can completely control it from there. Turn it on, turn it off, switch speeds, reverse the fan, do whatever you want to do. And now. And now I'm not knocking out the wall. I'm not running wire. You just have this little remote control next to the switch that goes to some weird random plug, and when you walk out, you just hit the button off. When you walk in, you just hit the button on, and there you go. And you can install it yourself. And I can install a ceiling fan, right? Yeah, that's no problem. And I said, wow. So I went to Amazon and bought a new little ceiling fan. And it's all hooked up. The switch is on the wall. Now when I walk out, I can turn it off. And I wanna walk in, I can turn it on.

I gotta look into this. Yeah. My wife, she's always talking about ceiling fans. We've got one that's really in bad shape in our family room. That's. Boy, she would love that.

But what's interesting about it is just thinking outside the box, because I was all ready to have this electrician come in, and I love that run wire. And he said, yeah, I can do it for you, Joe, and that's fine. But here's a better option. Number one, I appreciate that from the electrician. And number two, I appreciate the outside the box thinking. And number three, this works better than the switch would work.

Yeah. What an honest guy. To give up a job.

Yeah.

For you.

Yep.

Well, give you a better.

He knows he's getting. He's getting some work this summer. I guarantee you that.

That's. Yeah. I don't think they're looking for work in my experience. And talking to my plumber last year.

He'S getting some work for me this summer.

There you go.

No doubt.

Awesome. I love those.

How about yours?

Yeah. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm rereading. He's one of my favorite authors in the spiritual context, and I've been trying to. Being inspired by Matthew Kelly to say, read some inspiring things that. And going back to a book that I've done before, and the title is probably important to everybody. Max Lucado says there is a passage in the Bible that's highlighted more than anything on Amazon, and it's in the Philippians. We're going to get into that one a little bit in Our next one of these episodes we're talking about prayer, but it's called Anxious for Nothing. And I have an experience, a little bit of anxiety as of late. And I've said, you know what, I'm going back to my old pal Max say on this topic. And it's fun to reread something. I'm looking at my old highlights and yeah, I'm enjoying that. And it's easy. It's. He writes very conversationally like. Like an old grandpa giving you some advice. Yeah.

Max Lucait is a great faith based author, Christian author and very warm. Very warm. A great storyteller. Yeah, really good storyteller.

Oh, Joe. He tells a great story in this book that he starts off with. And I'll have to. I'll probably bring that into our conversation in the future.

Perfect. Perfect.

How about your quote for the week?

My quote for the week is a quote that I've used many times. I've probably used it on this show and I don't mind using it again. As we're recording, It's Friday the 17th. The 20th is Martin Luther King Day. And this may be my favorite quote of all time from anybody ever. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of convenience and comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King, wow.

Yeah, that's so true. Maybe that's something for the fourth quarter. Right. To really be there in times of trouble for people.

It's easy. It's easy to be. Life is easy when life is easy.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

But the ultimate measure is where do you stand when life is hard and challenging.

Yeah.

You know, how do you treat people when life is hard and challenging? What is your. What is your mindset when life is hard, challenging and controversial? Martin Luther King certainly led a controversial life for his time and he measured up.

Yeah.

And so he wasn't perfect. I mean, you can read his. The history of Martin Luther King and he wasn't perfect. But we're not looking for perfection. If you're trying to measure, measure where you stand in life, measure it based off how you react when things are challenging and controversial.

Very powerful. Good one, John.

Yes, it is.

Very appropriate. Yeah. Me and Martin Luther King Jr. Share the same birthday or thereabouts.

Well, yeah, I don't know his birthday. What is his birthday? I don't know his birthday. I know we celebrate Martin Luther King day on the 20th, so the first Monday or whatever.

Yeah, it's a Monday always. I always get. Yeah, now we get a day off. I got a three day weekend for my birthday because of my pal Martin Luther King. Great man.

Good buddy.

Yes. My quote was in the book that we've been reviewing. You don't stop laughing when you grow old, when you stop laughing. George Bernard Shaw. Words to live by.

Yeah. Learn to laugh at yourself. Learn to laugh at others. Learn to laugh at situations.

If you're not laughing, then you're growing.

Do something about that.

I love it. All right, take us out, Joe.

Well, of course. Our website is dudesinprogress.com dudesinprogress.com our email address is dudesudesinprogress.com reach out to us, send us an email. Let us know what you think about the show, Let us know what you think about the things we're talking about. And if there's something you want to talk about, let us know. We're happy to entertain the subject. And as we move forward into this fourth quarter of our life, Kurt, as you grow one year older, we gotta remember progress is better than perfection. Just keep moving forward.

Yeah. Even in the fourth quarter, you can do better. We're gonna try to do better next week. Joe, thanks for having this conversation. Once again, thanks for the book.

Awesome. Talk to you soon, pal. Sa.